There are too many stories out there that promise new kinds of airplanes, amenities, and airports. We are not going to lie’¦ when we see these stories, we get pumped.
’œRadical…we can’™t wait until we fly in an electric airliner that flies at three times the speed of sound and takes off and lands at an airport racetrack!’
We are told that these things are coming “very soon,” but we wait and wait and wait. Nothing. We have gotten sick and tired of getting emotionally AvGeek hurt (that is a thing) because these technologies never come through. Instead of just sitting around, we decided to do something about it!
INTRODUCING THE SlingPlane 5001-200NWN (No Wings Needed)
The SlingPlane 5001-200NWN… well an advance, high-tech drawing of it at least
We knew this endeavor of building our own plane was not going to be easy, but we have made such tremendous progress. We didn’™t want to make the same mistakes of the others who had tried before us, so we quickly skimmed all their business plans (aka looked at the photos) and made solid assumptions on what went wrong. Here are the most common issues we found that led to failure:
LEARNING FROM FAILURE (or did we?)
- Physics: Some rules are meant to be broken. However, with flying machines the rules of physics are pretty strict. So many ideas look great on paper, but have no chance of actually working in the real world.
- Economics: There are some viable ideas out there, but would cost way too much. Some companies have legitimately thought they could make their finances work, others seem to be more of a scam.
- Supply and demand: There is always a demand to see cool things that have no chance of becoming real. There is also a good supply of cool things that have no chance of becoming real. We are just going to change the word “see” to “build” and “have no chance of becoming real” into “is real.” Money in the bank.
- Ridiculous timelines: Companies might only have a mock up and expect to be in operation in the next year. Not only do we understand the need to add in buffer time, but we also have an intimate knowledge on how to get a commercial airliner approved to carry passengers (we have read the FAA Wikipedia page). Currently, we are planning to have the first flight by Q3 2021 and entry into service by Q4 2021.
When the SP5001-200NWN is ready for take off, strong rubber band pull it back and…. YEE HAW! 8gs of pure awesomeness
WHY THE SP5001-200NWN IS SO AWESOME
With all this knowledge under our belts, we started asking ourselves what issues do airlines, airports, and passengers face. And as you will read shortly, no idea was too dumb. Here are the best and most awe inspiring features of AirlineReporter’s SlingPlane50001-200NWN:
- Slingshot take off: Instead of using dirty gas, our plane will use a slingshot to lift off and that momentum will be enough to get the SP5001-200NWN to its destination. Our many hand drawings have shown this to be the most economical and coolest method. This will require much less space at airports and reduce turnaround times. Plus, passengers get to experience around 8gs during take off (that is about twice what astronauts felt during shuttle launches).
- No wings: What slows a plane down? Drag. What causes a lot of drag on a plane? Wings. With our wingless design, passengers will arrive quicker than ever before. Don’™t worry, we still offer horizontal stabilizers and a tail for stability. That should be good enough.
- Always Interpret Maps Between Ascension and Da Destination (AIMBADD): This is our unique system that makes sure that once the SlingPlane 5001 leaves the ground, it makes will safely to its destination (which is sort of needs to, since it has no wings).
- Pre-loading: The worst part of the flight is having to wait to get on and off the plane. Now, all the passengers and cargo will pre-load on our specialty designed bus. When ready, the bus will be driven under the plane and lifted into place. We haven’™t really figured out how this helps things since you still have to wait to load the bus and all the additional engineering creates weight, but we plan to have it all worked out in the next few weeks.
- Landing: We haven’t solved this issue yet. Our AIMBADD system will get you to the right airport, but with the sling-shot, bus loading system, and no having wings, we aren’t quite sure where to put the wheels. Good thing we added in some of that buffer time!
They always say that landing is the easiest part of flying, so this shouldn’t be a hard problem to solve!
BE A PART OF AVIATION’S HISTORY BY GIVING US MONEY
At this point, we know you have to be as excited as we are. Well, here is the best part: you can get in on this action. Even though we have plenty of capital rolling in and have been able to cover all expenses to date (a sketch book, a few pencils, some coffee, and a good eraser), we want you to be a part of this world changing piece of technology. Grab an large envelope (or box) and put a bunch of cash in it and mail it to:
Totes Legit SlingPlane 5001-200NWN Crypto Slush Fund
12374 Baltia Blvd SW
Avatar NY, 001734
Wait. Before you do that, we should probably say: APRIL FOOLS! Although we are guessing/hoping that we didn’™t have many of you fooled for very long!
I think the Tracy family might have something to say about that design… Has Virgil been engaging in industrial espionage?? 🙂
Awesome! I had a chat with the anonymous CEO… This is indeed the real deal. The CEO said that they obtained FAA approval on 31st Feb and would aim to turn a profit by the 7th quarter of 2021!
You need to hire me as a flight test engineer. Growing up I launched many model planes off of our back deck. Both plastic and balsa with wind up rubber bands so I am well qualified for the sling shot. I even had fire tests on many of them. As one who never went to law school, I wouldn’t even have to worry about the laws of physics or gravity. Results guaranteed!
If we partnered up, we might need some lawyer to help us with the laws of being sued for planes that land before they should (aka crashing) :).
David
I doubt it”s Southwest. I don”t think they have a nonstop between Seattle and Miami. I think Alaska is the only nonstop option. Too bad he didn”t like their customer service, as I love the airline and have had great experiences flying with them.